http://blog.roodo.com/itismyself/archives/8337757.html
The blogger said she's pretty much the only Asian wife in her town and she can always detects town folks (or I should say, other wives) are hesitated to have a deeper conversation with her. Her strategy to cross over the hurdle is to speak in a one-on-one base, so that she doesn't feel too timid to open her month and the other could understand her in a deeper sense. Well, I know that I'm not the only Asian wife in town (and thank goodness for that). Provo, as far as I understand, is a pretty internationally-populated town. I can ran into Asian faces on the street often and maybe exchange a friendly smile with them. It's just sad that my friend circle has shrunken so much that I now almost feel that I have no friends around. When I was studying in BGSU, I sometimes went to a game with my friends, gossiping between breaks, and went to grab some snacks afterwards. Parties, especially dinner parties, were regular affairs. I chatted with my roommates sometimes as we both had free time. It seemed really normal to have friends from different ethnic regions. It seemed easier to make friends in a college setting. I couldn't remember even once I catched the clue-"Oh, you look Asian, (so maybe your English sucks; so you might not be a fun person to be with; so you may ((you know, different kinds of stereotypes...))"-on their face. I think I used to be more confident in making friends while I was in Ohio. I was being in a familiar-and-thus-comfortable environment for 5 years and had some pretty good friends there. You know, that kind of friends you know they really know you. They might have never pronounced my name right (that's fine; my husband can't do that right all the time either). They might not have known the exact place I came from. Yet they know my personality and attributes, strength and weakness. They know what irritates and cheers me up. I miss them. I'm so grateful for their open-mindedness in the first place and continual efforts to bolster our relationships.
I somehow have some doubts about whether I can obtain this kind of friendship here. I feel as if I can read people's mind when we're in contact (yet it could be my own false assumptions): Well, she looks Asian so .........................
Sometimes I feel like people are just talking to my husband even though I'm right next to him. (Hello? I'm alive too and if you're interested in OUR family life, you might spare a word or two to me...)
Anyway, the journey to making good friends and living comfortably in Provo is to be continued.
p.s. I'm having a cold now so I'm bit grumpy today:(
10 comments:
Oh, I'm so sorry you feel that way! I think that part of what it is is that people in Provo aren't particularly friendly. I had a hard time making friends too, but then I met you! I'm sorry you feel that way, but don't worry! I am your friend! Love ya! I hope you get over your cold fast, too. =)
you're a great person! you're fun to be around and super-nice. I'm sure you'll make friends soon. Just don't be shy to put yourself out there! And hey, we miss you too!
嘿～我剛好跟你相反。不知道是不是因為我一直以來都沒有在一個地方長住的打算，所以我都不想交朋友。我不希望有人過來跟我裝熟，我也不想花時間去記別人的名字。在教會也好（主要的活動範圍）、在別的生活圈也好，我都只想當個隱形人。要我做事可以，但是我不要那種需要跟他人打交道的。結婚前實在流浪太久了，沒有固定的社交圈，所以覺得交朋友很難維持，變得沒有必要。現在住在公婆家，就算不想認識教會的人，也不想參與教會的額外活動，但是因為公婆家在這裡已經有很久的歷史，所以我只好被迫參與活動，但是要是能不要盡量不要。我總是想說我很快要走了，我要揮揮衣袖不帶走一片雲彩。但是隨著時間一久，我還是記了很多人名，參與了很多活動，記人名是為了聽懂別人講八卦時的內容，參加活動是為了支持在婦女會長團的婆婆。但不管怎樣，我都不想人家跟我說話，最好都不要理我。但是身為老公老婆的我，嫁了一個在鎮上頗有名氣的人，又是唯一的亞洲人，要不被注意很難。但我都保持我一慣作做風，盡量微笑，絕不裝熟，回答輕描淡寫，假裝聽不懂，反正就是少來理我啦！可是因為我都裝天真，講話搞笑（台式無理頭），所以大部份人即使不太認識我，都給我一個評價“sweet~“ 這樣好像還不錯喔！
但是我知道以後我要是在一個地方長住了，我也希望像慾望城市或慾望師奶那樣的主婦生活，有人固定辦活動、打牌、聊八卦。而且以後為了小孩子，可能就得好好的經營社交生活。不然其實我很“宅“的。
Thank you Jill and Megan! Is it true that the people in Provo are not particularly friendly? Haha! I feel better after hearing it!! I'll cheer myself up and be optimistic about it, I guess! Yeah it's so cool to meet Jill here!! You're my dear neighbor and friend!! My cold turned out to be a flu!! I've been in bed, walking around the house in my robe for two days now:( I hope I can get over it soon. I miss Megan too and thanks for your encouragement.
我是那種要宅起來會很宅,不過大部分時間喜歡趴趴走吧！之前在ohio待了算久,有一些好友在那裡，覺得還是有一些朋友才算生活啊！我可以理解你的想法,因為你不會在你公婆家久留,所以就算努力經營友誼最後還是沒啥用的。我當初住在alpine一、二個月期間想的是一樣的事。不過我們現在住的是自己的家,很明顯的會在這裡待下來了。嗚，我想要可以哈啦的朋友啦！！！老公是很好但我喜歡variety!!! 哈哈！
dang. I wish I could be there and we could totally hang out. Its hard starting all over. I hope it gets easier! BECAUSE YOU ARE AWESOME!
It's hard to make friends when you move into a new area or move into a new phase of life (single-to-married). It's hard too, if you don't have many like-minded or similar people living close by. Believe me, I'm a non-Mormon person in Utah, I know this! I had to join several charity groups and special interest groups to find friends.
But I think it might also have to do with living in a very high-level masculine culture (Utah). People here pay more attention to men and think of them as the "leader" of the family. This is not a very egalitarian place to live as far as sex and gender goes. Welcome to a community with extreme gender-role expectations!
Utah is a friendly place to live... IF you fit in to their culture perfectly. If not it takes a little more work to seek out friends, but you can find them. The people are good people, they just aren't used to diversity. They don't know how to react to people who look or think or act differently than they do.
Good luck. I know how boring and lonely life can be when you can't work and are stuck at home. I did that for several years here and there. It stinks! Some of us need to be out doing things with people.
Thanks Rachel! You're awesome and I wish you could live nearby. You're always somewhere in my heart though.
Hi Miriam, thanks for cheering me up. I do agree with some of your opinions. I just hope that people here can accept or feel more comfortable about the diversity of ethnicity around them. Yet I will try my best to find people who are more like me or who are interested in being friends with me. It probably will come slowly but surely. I guess I just need to be patient and keep trying:)
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